


Sometimes I Pretend You're Mine

by aryu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And Shiro loves him and is also depressed, Angst, Blowjobs, First Kiss, First Time, Keith is soft and depressed, M/M, Oral Sex, PIV Sex, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Semi-Public Sex, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Underage Sex, Unprotected Sex, trans author, trans keith, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryu/pseuds/aryu
Summary: The night before Shiro leaves for Kerberos, he meets Keith on the rooftop of the library. In a moment of vulnerability, they confess how they feel, and Keith tries his best to memorize every inch of Shiro before he leaves. Mostly porn but also sad.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 93





	Sometimes I Pretend You're Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time publishing anything in ten years, so please be kind! Also, I use amab language to describe Keith's genitals because that's what I prefer, just to make anyone aware if that triggers dysphoria for you.

Keith sighed as he tipped his head back to look at the stars. Despite the lights on the campus, they shone bright above him, although he supposed it wouldn’t make much sense for the Garrison to flood the sky with their own light. They were there to study the sky, after all.

He’d spent so many years wishing he’d be in those stars. To be so far from Earth, to look out into the endless space around himself and see just planets and pinpricks of light from stars. Now, he just wanted to pull them down and keep them for himself. He didn’t want to let them have Shiro. 

Nine months was a long time to be without him. 

The door creaked behind him, and Keith turned to look as a familiar figure stepped out onto the roof of the library. Shiro looked like he was moving in slow motion, like all the energy had been bled out of him. Even the slump of his shoulders looked exhausted as he wandered over to where Keith sat. How long had his day been, though? How long had his week been, had the past few months been when every waking hour had been crammed full of preparations for launch.

This would be the last time Shiro joined him on the rooftop for a long, long time. Maybe forever, if he never made it back to the planet. He left for Kerberos tomorrow. This was it. 

“Hey,” Keith breathed, eyes glued to the sharp line of Shiro’s jaw, to the way his uniform jacket stretched over his biceps as he lowered himself to the ground. He didn’t want to think about the very real possibility of losing him. “Long day?”

A heavy exhale left his lips, and Shiro nodded, laying back in the gravel to gaze up at the sky. “Wouldn’t stop talking about tomorrow,” he told Keith, folding his hands over his chest. He looked almost angelic in the light from the sky, and Keith wished more than anything that he could curl up beside him and memorize the way his heart thumped beneath his ear. “It’s the same stuff we’ve heard for months. It’s just- It’s real now, you know?”

They didn’t talk about it, about how terrifying this was. They both knew. There hadn’t been any fear at first, not when Shiro had told him he’d been selected, but it had set in like a virus in their heads and eaten away at them both the closer to launch it got. Now, that was all that was left. Even if Shiro didn’t say he was scared, Keith knew he was.

Keith didn’t want him to go. Sure, all he was doing was collecting samples, but there was no telling what they might find on Kerberos besides the rocks. No expedition to space could ever be completely safe. Even if Shiro did make it back, his there was no telling how long he’d be able to safely journey to space before his illness made it impossible. He was like a ticking time bomb, and if didn’t matter when he went off. It would always end in disaster.

Keith plastered on a sympathetic smile, bobbing his head in a slow nod as he tore his gaze away. “I’m sure,” he murmured. “And I’m sure they’re gonna lecture you on the same shit tomorrow, too. Gotta bore you to death before they launch you into space.” His laugh was hollow, and it felt like all it did was breathe tension into the air between them. 

How was Keith supposed to do this? How was he supposed to enjoy their last night together when all he wanted to do was hold on and never let go?

It didn’t matter. He should just be thankful that he got any time with Shiro when he could be with anyone else. He probably wanted to be with Adam, but he’d picked Keith. That had to be enough for him.

Shiro sighed again, scratching at his temple as he rolled his shoulders on the ground. It had to be uncomfortable with all those rocks digging into his back, but maybe part of it was comforting when he wouldn’t be able to feel that for nine months. Everything in that ship was sleek steel and padded for safety and (minimal) comfort. Keith imagined he wouldn’t really feel _alive_ again until he returned to Earth.

“Is it wrong to wish they hadn’t picked me?” Shiro asked suddenly, jaw tight as he stared up into the sky. 

Keith’s heart jumped, and he turned to look at Shiro to try to pick apart his expression. Shiro wasn’t a man of regrets. He wasn’t a man who looked back at anything he did with remorse. He learned from everything he did, and he was always so blindly optimistic that it drove Keith insane. But he wasn’t being positive now, was he? His eyes held so much sadness in them, and Keith wished more than anything that he could take that burden from him so Shiro would never have to shoulder it again. 

“No, I don’t think it is.” Keith tugged his sleeves down to his wrists, and he lowered himself into the rocks beside Shiro. He could feel the heat of his body seeping in through his uniform, shoulders almost touching as he laid beside the other man on the rooftop. “I don’t think anyone could blame you for being scared, Shiro.”

If Keith could see him better, maybe he’d see the way Shiro’s expression ripped open for just a fraction of a second. Instead, all he could see was the light shining off the tears welling up in his eyes. Keith had never seen him cry before.

“But you’re doing good work, you know. The Garrison needs you to collect...rock samples and stuff.” Keith wanted to kick himself the moment the words were out, but it was too late to take them back.That’s really all he was doing, though, wasn’t it?

Shiro’s laugh was unexpected, but it made Keith’s heart swell in his chest. God, Keith wished more than anything that he could kiss him. He looked absolutely gorgeous in the light of the stars. Keith took a snapshot of the smile on his lips in his mind, storing it away for when he missed Shiro most. 

“Wow, thanks for the kind words, Keith. Collecting rock samples. You really think highly of me, huh?” Shiro’s smile was blinding, splitting across his features to show off his teeth. For the first time in days, maybe longer, it looked like the tension in his face was bleeding out. He looked _happy._ “I’ll be doing a lot more than that, thank you. We’re taking pictures, too.’’

Keith’s laugh bounced off the rooftop, too loud in contrast to the electric buzz of the lights on campus. They’d be in trouble if they got caught, but Keith had been sneaking up here nearly every night since he’d started school and only Shiro had ever joined him. He didn’t care anyway, not if he could put a smile back on his face.

“Oh, oh, okay. Sorry to offend you,” Keith offered, palms raised in mock surrender. His smile hurt his cheeks, but it made him feel like his chest was weightless. He really was just a fool in love with a guy he couldn’t have, wasn’t he? “I’m just glad they didn’t pick me. I don’t know shit about rocks.”

Silence rose between them again, and Keith’s smile faded with Shiro’s. He wished he could take a picture of him, record his laugh, the softness of his breath in the night as it fogged a little before him. He never wanted to forget the chill on his skin and how _present_ he felt in that moment watching Shiro stare up at the sky. 

Keith wished he could stay.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know,” Shiro murmured, voice too honest in its softness as he tipped his head to look at Keith. Dark hair fell into his eyes, but the wind brushed it from his forehead a moment later. “I’m gonna worry about you. I don’t want to come back and find out you got expelled for getting in a fight or something.”

Keith’s smile was sad, and he rolled onto his side to meet Shiro’s gaze. He looked burdened beyond his years. It wasn’t fair, not at all, but Shiro would never admit all the expectations were heavy on his shoulders. 

“I’ll be fine. How are we gonna go on a mission together if I get kicked out?” Keith asked him, nudging his knuckles into Shiro’s side in the hopes it would get a smile out of him. It didn’t, and Keith pulled his hand back to himself. 

“True. I’ll be pissed if you do something stupid,” Shiro agreed, nod slow. His gaze drifted away again, and his fingers brushed over the bend of Keith’s elbow as he lifted his arm to fold it beneath his head. His jacket strained at the seams, and it rose over the cut of his hips, leaving a sliver of his abdomen bare to the night. Keith wanted to lick it. 

“Adam broke up with me."

Keith couldn’t have controlled the shock on his face if he’d tried.

“ _What?_ ” he asked, genuinely stunned as he pushed himself up onto his elbow to get a better look at Shiro. Maybe it hadn’t been exhaustion but sadness that weighed him down when he’d stepped outside. “Why? I thought you guys were happy.” Just a few weeks ago, Shiro had told him that Adam had asked him to marry him, and he’d been absolutely _beaming_ when he told Keith he’d said yes. 

“He told me he didn’t want me to go to Kerberos,” Shiro told him, gravel crunching as he toed at it. In all the time Keith had known him, he’d never seemed quite so sad. “We fought about it a few months ago, but I didn’t think- I mean, I thought he’d get over it when he saw how important this was for me.” 

His voice sounded hollow, but Keith could see the pain in his eyes like it was written over his forehead in bold black ink. “I was leaving for my meeting this morning and he stopped me before I left. He...told me he wanted to break up.” Shiro swallowed hard, and he looked like he was blinking back tears. He seemed so shocked, but Keith supposed he would be too if his fiance had just broken up with him. “He said he couldn’t support me leaving.”

The confession hung between them, and Keith scrambled to come up with something to say. He’d always thought he’d be happy if they broke up. He’d felt sick to his stomach when Shiro told him they’d gotten engaged. Marriage meant that whatever miniscule chance he’d ever have with Shiro was gone, but… Keith didn’t feel happy now. 

“What kind of asshole breaks up with you right before you leave?” Keith snapped, and there was true anger in his voice as he shook his head. He wanted to go find that jackass and deck him for hurting Shiro, but it wouldn’t help. “He’s supposed to be supportive. You have enough going on without having to deal with a breakup, too.”

“Well,” Shiro sighed, his eyes shutting as he let out a long breath. “He did. Told me if I was going to leave that I couldn’t expect him to be waiting for me.” He looked so sad, and Keith wished he could bottle up that pain and toss it into the river where it would never touch Shiro again. It didn’t matter how much Keith hated Adam. He loved Shiro enough to overshadow all of that.

“I’m sorry, Shiro.” 

What else was there to say? That Keith was there to replace him? That he was better off without him? Even if he thought it, that wasn’t right. Shiro had loved Adam for a long time, and knowing his best friend had never supported their relationship was _not_ going to help him move on.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too. Thanks,” Shiro sighed, a broken smile touching his lips as he watched Keith seethe. It would take time to heal, but Shiro would have plenty of it after launch. “It wouldn’t have worked, anyway. He wanted to settle.”

Adam seemed like the type, but the Garrison wasn’t the place to build a white picket fence life. Shiro was a career man through and through, and Adam was a fool to think he could change that.

“Maybe it was for the best, then. You can do way better anyway. I never thought he was that cute.” 

Shiro’s laugh warmed his heart, even if it was still a little sad. At least he’d never been one to dwell on the negative. Keith was sure he’d have plenty of time to think before they ever reached Pluto’s moon, and he imagined it would be far too easy to get lost in the thoughts of what could have been. 

“Wow, thanks for telling me _now_. And here I thought you liked him.” He sounded serious, but one look at his face reassured Keith that he was just poking fun at him. 

Keith couldn’t help but snort at that. Everything would be fine. Shiro would heal, and he would come home a Garrison hero with new paths emblazoned for his career. He didn’t need Adam to hold him back. 

Was it wrong of Keith to know that had he been in Adam’s shoes, he probably wouldn’t have wanted him to go either?

There was commotion somewhere below them, and Keith listened as a few boys shouted amongst each other. The voices faded as quickly as they’d come, replacing them with silence once again. It wouldn’t be the same coming up here without Shiro. Keith would spend the better part of the next year looking out into those stars and wondering where he was in them.

“Can I tell you something?” Keith whispered, nerves churning in his gut. There was a sudden shake in his hands, and Keith wiped sweat off his palms onto his pants as he swallowed his apprehension. He’d never felt such a strong urge to come clean about his feelings, but something about the vulnerability in Shiro’s face made him want to pour out every emotion he had and bare his soul for the man. It terrified him, but he couldn’t seem to stop talking. “I used to have a crush on you. When we first met.”

Shiro’s laugh felt like it restarted his heart, and Keith’s stomach flipped. His jacket was too tight, and he popped open the top button to give himself room to breathe. God, he felt like he was suffocating, like the night was crushing in around him and choking him. “I know,” wasn’t the response he’d expected, but Shiro didn’t look even a little plussed. 

“You weren’t exactly subtle, Keith.” Shiro’s smile could have ruined whole villages. Paired with the soft look in his eyes, it made Keith’s knees weak. Heat creeped into the boy’s cheeks, and he rubbed at his throat as his eyes drifted away.

“I- Well... Look, me and half the Garrison had crushes on you at some point. It’s not hard,” Keith huffed, feeling his blush seep over his nose and onto his ears. Thank God it was dark. Keith could only pray Shiro couldn’t see it, but he knew he had to have damn good eyesight to get into that Kerberos mission. Fuck Shiro in all his perfection. “Especially when you’re so damn nice to everyone. You’re asking for it, alright?”

Shiro’s low chuckle fanned the flames in Keith’s face, and he rolled over onto his side to look at the boy as he grinned at him. So damn cocky, and Keith wanted to kiss that look off his face. “I liked you too, you know. But you were too young, and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to say yes when I was your superior.”

He said it like it was nothing, but the confession hit Keith like a ton of bricks. It knocked the breath out of him, and he wished more than anything that he could turn back time and pour his feelings out to Shiro before he’d lost his chance. But it was too late. Adam had gotten to him first, and now he was starting a whole new chapter of his life. By the time he got back, he’d be a whole year older, and Shiro would be too big a hot shot in the Garrison to spare any time for some delinquent cadet. 

“Too bad Adam beat me to it, huh?” Keith breathed, mostly to himself. He shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late to take it back regardless. His crush was supposed to have been in the past, not still burning in his chest every time he looked at him.

But it wasn’t. He’d never stopped loving Shiro, not for a second. 

“Yeah,” he whispered, staring off into the distance. His shoulder blazed beside Keith’s, and his elbow knocked into his arm as he shifted against the gravel. “It is too bad, isn’t it?”

Maybe Keith wasn’t meant to hear it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to hit the way it did, but Shiro’s words sent a stab into his gut, and Keith realized he didn’t have another shot at this. It was bad timing, it was _horrible_ timing, but Shiro could launch himself into space tomorrow and never come back. If he never returned, if he died in space and was lost to the stars, Keith needed to know he’d tried. Even if Shiro didn’t mean it the way it had sounded, Keith had to give it a shot.

“Shiro,” he whispered, and he rose suddenly to crowd into his friend’s space. His head blocked out the moon, casting a shadow onto Shiro’s brow as Keith stared down at him with impossibly wide eyes. The man under him looked a little stunned, staring up at Keith, but he was frozen in place where he was laid out on the rooftop. Keith’s heart was leaping in his chest, pounding so hard he was sure Shiro had to be able to hear it. “Shiro, I want to kiss you.”

His expression shifted slowly, morphing from shock to raw desire that Keith could never have begun to imagine would ever be turned on him. “Keith,” he breathed, eyes flicking between Keith’s lips and his eyes, heat in his cheeks and spreading fast down his neck. “We can’t. I’m- I’m your superior. Adam- I can’t make you-”

Keith didn’t wait for him to finish before he closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss.

The world froze around them. The voices of cadets wandering, the birds chirping far away in the sky, even his heartbeat seemed to pause as the feeling of Shiro’s lips against his overwhelmed everything else. The moment seemed to stretch on forever like that before Shiro lifted a hand to lay it against Keith’s shoulder.

That one touch felt like it ignited a fire in Keith’s skin. He’d always been an impulsive person. He’d never been someone to sit around and ponder the consequences of his actions. Maybe he should have, but he’d spent literal _years_ praying that Shiro would somehow ditch Adam and come crawling to Keith instead. 

Now was his only chance. 

With a desperate moan on his lips, Keith drew back to clamber into Shiro’s lap. He settled his weight onto his hips, pinning him to crunchy gravel with another searing kiss. Shiro grabbed for his waist, pushing one hand beneath his obnoxious orange cadet jacket to get at hot skin, and Keith fisted a hand into Shiro’s hair. 

Never in a million years had Keith dreamed this would be how he’d send Shiro off into space, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about it. He’d spent the better part of his time at the Garrison wishing Shiro could be his. Whether or not it was completely impromptu and on the roof of the library under the stars, this would be something Keith would cherish forever.

It felt like hours had passed when Keith finally pulled back, chest heaving and pupils blown wide. His lips felt swollen and tingly, and he was hyper aware of every place their bodies touched from his perch on Shiro’s hips. Shiro’s hands felt so broad against his ribs and on his thigh, and for the first time Keith became aware of just how wide his thighs spread to accommodate the width of Shiro beneath him.

_Am I taking advantage of him?_

Insecurity flickered across Keith’s face, brows drawing in, and he straightened in Shiro’s lap. He was surely a rebound, that was something he could come to terms with later, but… How could he do this if he was pushing Shiro into it in his grief? 

Shiro’s shoulders rolled, and he gathered a strong arm around Keith as he sat up. His face was a mask, emotionless save for the desire in his eyes as he turned to lay the smaller boy out under the stars. The weight of his stare was enough to pin Keith in place, but the firm had against his chest helped too.

“I’m fine,” he breathed in answer to the unspoken question in Keith’s face. His voice was low, gaze tracking over every bend of Keith’s body before he shuffled to kneel between his thighs, guiding Keith’s knees up around the spread of his hips. “I’m alright, Keith.”

He wasn’t sure that was true, but he tucked his worries away to have Shiro’s mouth on his again. He was his own man. He knew his limits, and Keith couldn’t draw them for him. 

Besides, he would give almost anything for Shiro’s kiss.

His body was warm over Keith’s, and he felt like a solid wall of muscle as he wrapped his calves around Shiro’s back. God, if they were caught up here, they’d both be dead, but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t a little thrilled by the thought. Half the population of their school wanted Shiro. He knew how many people were jealous of Adam walking around on his arm, and Keith wanted so badly to be that instead. 

Kissing Shiro felt so natural, their bodies fit together like they’d been crafted for one another, and Keith didn’t have to stop to think as he tipped his head back to bare his neck for Shiro’s lips. His breath left him in a soft moan, and Keith arched into the man above him as his teeth scraped across his throat. Shiro’s chuckle was a low rumble against his skin, and chills danced over Keith’s spine. 

He couldn’t help but squirm a little as he dug his nails into Shiro’s shoulder, and Keith was almost certain he felt the press of a hard bulge against his stomach as he rolled his hips into Shiro’s. God, Keith wanted to get his mouth around him _so bad,_ and it felt like he couldn’t act fast enough. 

Shiro’s name left him in a breathless sigh, and the pilot drew back far enough to get a good look at Keith. There were so many questions in his eyes, so much open vulnerability, and Keith wished he could patch every wound in Shiro’s heart. He was too good a man to have to wear the scars of his life.

“Can I?” Keith whispered, hands raising to rub his thumb over the top button on his jacket. Shiro nodded once, and Keith didn’t waste any more time. He pulled it open, and then the next and the next until Keith could shove the fabric down his arms. Shiro looked like he was carved from marble as he rose onto his knees before him, pulling his wrists free and tossing it carelessly to the side. He stripped off his shirt without hesitation, and every muscle in his chest rippled with the movement.

Keith could have sworn his mouth was watering. 

He wanted to lick every square inch of this man, but the moon was rising higher in the sky with each breath he took. Time was running out. 

“God, you’re incredible,” he whispered instead, fingers mapping out every scar and every dip of Shiro’s torso. His own huge fingers took their time opening Keith’s jacket, and he felt absolutely dwarfed in comparison as he squirmed to get it off. The ground was cool against his back even through his shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to care too much when Shiro was burning so hot between his thighs. Arousal was warming his whole body regardless, and Keith was sure the juncture between his thighs was an inferno.

“You’re not too bad yourself, pretty boy,” Shiro murmured, eyes following the path of his hands as they traced over every wrinkle in Keith’s shirt. Had he been a different person, maybe he would have been uncomfortable with the intensity of that stare, but he couldn’t help but revel in it. 

“Can I take this off?” Shiro asked, hands just barely pushing up under Keith’s shirt to brush over the cut of his hips. 

“ _Oh_ ,” was Keith’s genius response, and his blush returned in full force once again as he nodded. Shiro was always the gentleman, wasn’t he? Of course he’d _ask._ Keith cleared his throat, and he pushed himself up onto his elbows so they could untangle him from his clothes together. His bangs fell into his eyes as he flopped back down onto the rooftop, and he could only pray that Shiro couldn’t see how red his face had turned. 

“Beautiful,” Shiro whispered, bending to press a trail of kisses over the jut of Keith’s collarbones, twin scars, the rise and fall of his ribs and the curve of his waist. His fingers blazed a trail lower, and Keith bit down on a soft moan as he lifted his hips into the way Shiro tugged at his belt loop. 

“Shut up,” Keith breathed, but his words didn’t seem to hold any of the bite he wanted them to. The world had shifted into high gear again, and he couldn’t get out of his pants fast enough. Keith kicked off his boots and toed off his socks, letting them fly with abandon. His belt jangled as it hit the ground, and they parted so Shiro could let his slacks join Keith’s. 

He could see his breath in the cool night air, and Keith watched with rapt attention as Shiro’s cock sprang out of the waistband of his boxer briefs. It smacked against his abdomen, the wetness at the tip catching the light, and Keith wished he could take a picture. Every inch of this man was perfection. It was no wonder half the student body was chasing after him. If they knew what he was packing in those pants, they’d just want him more.

Keith wasted no time rising to his knees, and he bent over Shiro without warning. Warm breath fanned over the head of his cock, and Keith wrapped long fingers around him to stroke slowly. His free hand raised, and Keith hesitated to press his fingertips against the meat of Shiro’s thigh. They parted in response, and Keith squeezed hard enough to make Shiro groan. In the same moment, he leaned in to wrap his lips around the man’s cock, moaning low in his chest. Shiro lost his balance on his knees, and he reached down to brace himself with fingers spread out over Keith’s spine, bent over him like an altar.

He felt so heavy on Keith’s tongue, even half hard, and there was strain pinching in his jaw as he spread his mouth wide to take more of him in. He could feel the vein on the underside of Shiro’s cock pulse against his tongue, and Keith felt so overwhelmed by the musky smell of Shiro’s sweat so close to his skin. It didn’t taste how he’d imagined it would, either, like skin and vaguely salty, and Keith hadn’t been prepared for the way he felt like he was choking as he bobbed his head in Shiro’s lap. He heaved in a breath as he pulled back, cheeks flushed, and Keith watched in amazement as he stroked his fist through the spit slicking Shiro’s cock. 

Every fantasy he’d had since he realized he wanted in on what Shiro was packing behind that zipper was coming to life.

“Go slow,” Shiro whispered, hands carding gently through his hair to hold his bangs back from his face. His voice sounded wrecked already, and Keith wondered when the last time Adam had touched him was. Newly determined, Keith tipped his head into the fingers in his hair, eyes shutting for a moment to bask in the softness of the touch. 

“I’m fine,” he breathed, the head of Shiro’s cock kissing his lower lip as he leaned in close again, strain pinching in his back from the angle. Keith turned his gaze up to Shiro’s face as he licked over the bead of precum, and he could feel the way Shiro’s cock twitched against his palm in time with his sharp inhale. 

“I don’t-” Shiro groaned. “I don’t want you to choke.” His breath caught, and it took all his willpower not to let his hips jerk as Keith’s lips closed around him. He almost wished he’d let himself go and fuck his face. He wanted Shiro to absolutely _lose_ himself, to allow his hips to go wild and just take from Keith what he wanted. Then again, he _really_ didn’t want to throw up on him, and he was sure he’d never live it down.

“Just relax your throat. You don’t have to try so hard to impress me.” There was so much fondness in Shiro’s voice that Keith had to shut his eyes, and he made a soft noise in response as he shifted higher on his knees. His fingers squeezed at Shiro’s thigh again, pressing deep into the muscle, and he could feel how wet he was becoming as he tried not to squirm. Keith relaxed his jaw, focusing on the way he could feel Shiro growing harder in his mouth, and he took a deep breath in through his nose before he started to bob his head. 

His spit helped to slick the way, and Keith stroked his fingers over what he couldn’t fit in his mouth as he worked his lips over the length of Shiro’s cock. His balls twitched as his fingers wandered from his thigh to stroke over them, and Shiro’s answering groan nearly had Keith’s thighs shaking. His breath felt so loud, harsh and needy, and Keith’s name sounded like a blessing on Shiro’s lips. He’d never forget the way it sounded.

He could have stayed there for hours, bent over Shiro’s lap and doing his best to cram his cock down his throat. A touch to his cheek gave Keith reason to pause, though, and he pulled back to wipe his mouth on his wrist. There was something in Shiro’s eyes when their gazes met that was so raw, so _wanting,_ that Keith didn’t quite know how to handle it. 

“Sorry,” Shiro whispered, blinking back the look as he cleared his throat. He was flushed down to his chest, bright red against his skin even in the moonlight, and his hands were gentle as he brushed his fingers through Keith’s hair. “I thought it would be kinda rude to cum without warning you.” 

His laugh was embarrassed, and Keith couldn’t help but match his smile as he straightened on his knees. His back was a little stiff, and he could feel a twinge in his jaw from holding it open so long, but the lingering taste of Shiro’s cock on his tongue was so, _so_ worth it. 

“I don’t want you to cum until you’re inside me, anyway,” Keith told him, bold as always, and his grin fractured wider over his face as Shiro slapped a hand over his eyes. He looked unbelievably flustered, and Keith’s laugh filtered out across the rooftop as he gazed up at Shiro. 

God, he loved this man so, _so_ much more than he could have ever thought possible. 

“I don’t have a condom,” Shiro told him when he’d recovered enough to drop his hands to his lap. It was so not sexy that Keith was a little shocked by it, jarred out of the fog of his own arousal. Even so, the weight of Shiro’s gaze was enough to pin Keith where he was, and when he leaned in to crowd Keith back against the gravel he laid himself out without hesitation. 

“It’s okay,” Keith whispered with a shake of his head, reaching out to guide Shiro in for a kiss with hands cupped on either side of his jaw. He was sure he tasted like him, but Shiro didn’t seem to mind. “I uh- I’ve been on testosterone long enough I should be fine. Just...probably don’t cum in me.” 

It was unbelievably awkward to have to talk about, but Shiro didn’t seem affected by it in the slightest. He hummed his acknowledgement against Keith’s ribs as he trailed kisses over his skin, and Keith made a soft sound as fingers brushed over his hips. 

Shiro snapped his waistband against his skin, and Keith sucked in a sharp breath, hips jerking. One finger dipped into the leg of his boxer briefs, and all of Keith’s attention was suddenly centered between his legs as he felt Shiro’s breath on his thigh. 

“Can I?” he asked, voice soft as he met Keith’s eyes, and his nod was instantaneous as he lifted his hips for Shiro to tug down the last of his clothes. Keith felt more naked under his eyes than he ever had before, but all that was in that gaze was desire. Shiro’s cock was still stiff between his legs, and Keith knew he wanted that cock in him before the night was over.

The first touch of his fingers felt like they sent a jolt of electricity up Keith’s spine. The pads of them were rough against his skin, calloused from years of work, and they dragged so slowly over his cock that it felt like it lasted for years. His hips twitched, and his gasp was shocked out of him as Shiro’s hand withdrew. He looked almost fearful, like he’d done something wrong, before realization set in a moment later and he understood that it was a _good_ response. 

“That sensitive, huh?” Shiro breathed, chuckle wafting across Keith’s skin as his fingers danced over his cock, spreading wetness over his skin. He’d gotten embarrassingly aroused from sucking his dick, and Keith was thankful he didn’t acknowledge it even if he might have been thinking it. Cocky son of a bitch. Keith should have kneed him, but the idea was gone as soon as it came as Shiro bent to lick a stripe over him. 

If he was unconfident, it didn’t show. Shiro grabbed Keith by the hips, pulling him closer to him, and the scrape of the gravel against his shoulders was rough. His moan felt like it was punched out of him, and Keith closed his thighs around Shiro’s ears as his tongue laved over him like a man starved. Every motion felt unbelievably eager, and Keith was frantic to give Shiro whatever it was that would quell his thirst.

His breath was harsh, and Keith tangled his fingers into Shiro’s bangs as he arched into the pressure of his tongue. It was so hot, so _wet_ , and the scratch of Shiro’s day old stubble rubbed against his skin. It was so much, he felt like all of his senses had been filled with the man between his legs, and it left him so overwhelmed Keith could have drowned in it.

“Shiro,” he breathed, hand scrabbling to latch onto his wrist. He dragged the man’s hand down between his legs, and Keith guided his fingers to press against his entrance. “Please,” Keith whispered, although it took everything in him to _ask_ for the touch, thighs straining as he arched against him. 

The muscles in Shiro’s back coiled as he shifted his weight to his other elbow, and his eyes met Keith’s as he pressed a finger inside him. It went in far too easily, and Keith’s moan caught in his throat as his head tipped back. Shiro’s hands were so much bigger than his own, and Keith was ready to sing his praises to whoever granted Shiro the gift of such wide knuckles. 

“More,” he demanded as soon as he’d found his voice again, and his muscles contracted around Shiro’s digits as he pressed a second finger inside him. Keith gasped as he rotated them, and Shiro’s chuckle rumbled over his hip. 

“That feel good?” he whispered against Keith’s skin, and his tone was just that little but unsteady that let Keith know he was affected by this. Shiro’s hips were tense, cock aching to be touched, but he seemed just as eager to enjoy this as Keith was.

His digits felt so deep, and Keith rocked into them with teeth sunk into his lip to at least _try_ and muffle the noise he was making. Shiro’s tongue resumed its work on his cock, and a third finger split him open. Keith would be forever thankful for the power in those arms as Shiro pounded his fingers into him, and his hips rolled to meet each thrust as he clenched around his knuckles.

It was only when he felt an orgasm starting to build that Shiro drew his fingers out, waiting until Keith had met his eyes to lick them clean. Keith swallowed hard, gaze lowering to the fist Shiro had wrapped around his cock. He looked wrecked, a second away from shattering, and he groaned as he squeezed his fingers tight around the base of himself to stave off an orgasm. 

“Come here,” Keith whispered after a breath, frantic, reaching out for Shiro like Keith needed him to breathe. His skin had a chill to it from the night air, and Keith smoothed his palms over his shoulder blades as he gazed up at him. 

Maybe he was a rebound. Maybe this was a mistake, but… 

Well, Keith had never been good about denying his impulses.

He pushed the nagging thought away, back behind the rest of his questions about what this would leave between them once Shiro was gone. Keith wasn’t naive enough to think this was more than a desperate man’s last grasp at feeling human before he was launched into space.

Shiro reached between them, fumbling for a few moments to get a grip on his cock, and Keith turned to press a kiss to the inside of his wrist as he squeezed hs thighs around the mass of his body. He’d never forget the clumsy way the head of Shiro’s cock bumped against him, or the way his breath hitched and he groaned Keith’s name as he pushed in. 

It felt like coming home. Their bodies were made for each other, and tears jumped into Keith’s eyes as he scrabbled to get a grip on the man above him. He’d wished for years he could be closer to Shiro, that he could see Keith as an equal instead of some reckless cadet, and for the first time he felt like that might be a reality. 

Keith gasped, the muscles in his thighs quivering where they were wrapped around Shiro’s hips, and Shiro’s expression looked ripped open as he hilted inside Keith. The breath they shared was loud as each of them adjusted to it, chests close as Keith pulled him in with an iron grip around his shoulders, and Shiro’s hands flitted across his skin as if he couldn’t get enough of him.

“I’m good,” Keith gasped, and he pressed his heels into the small of Shiro’s back, angling his hips up as best he could when he was pinned so thoroughly. Truthfully, he felt a bit like he was being split in half, but the challenge of taking Shiro’s cock and enjoying every second of it was not one he was willing to back down from so easily. “Fuck me.”

Those words send a shudder over Shiro’s skin, and he shifted his weight before he drew his hips back. Keith lamented the loss of his cock, but the head of him pressed against the walls of his entrance made Keith clench around him. Every nerve felt like a livewire, and Keith _needed_ to be filled or he was going to lose his grip on his sanity.

Shiro’s hips remained still long enough for Keith to open his mouth to bite out something rude and goading, but whatever had been on his lips was immediately replaced with a stunned moan as he thrust back into him. It was a relief to be full again, and Keith’s nails dug into the muscle of Shiro’s bicep. 

The slap of skin was loud, maybe too loud when Keith knew they hadn’t locked the door and they were only a few stories about ground level. Then again, they hadn’t been quiet from the get go, and Keith wasn’t going to shut Shiro up now when he sounded so _desperate._

Keith’s name poured off his lips into the curve of his shoulder where Shiro hid his face, and he cupped a hand over the shorn back of his head to hold him there as he locked his legs around him. The angle was a little awkward, and Keith couldn’t quite meet the rocking of his hips the way he’d have liked to, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was the clench of his walls around Shiro’s cock and the way every kiss he pressed to Keith’s skin felt like an ‘I love you’. 

Shiro was hot inside him, and Keith could have sworn he felt the catch of the head every time he pulled his hips back. He felt like he could feel every pulse of the vein on his cock, every unsteady shake of his hips, every brush of his own cock against Shiro’s skin as he fucked into him. It was overwhelming in the best way possible, and if this was the last time he ever got to be so close to Shiro, he’d make sure to memorize every second of it.

It felt like it had only been minutes before the rhythm of Shiro’s hips faltered, and Keith snaked a hand between them to roll his cock between his fingers. His head smacked into the rocks as he tipped it back, muscles squeezing around Shiro, and he rubbed his thumb frantically over his cock as Keith gazed up at his friend.

Shiro looked like a mess, sweaty with hair sticking to his forehead, arms shaking as he rolled his hips. “I’m so close, baby,” he whispered, hushed like he didn’t want the stars to know, and Keith cried out at the way that pet name felt. It was right in every way it shouldn’t have been, not when Shiro had been wearing a ring on his finger for weeks. 

_Did he call Adam that?_

Keith shook the thought off as soon as it came, and he glued his eyes to the vulnerability in Shiro’s expression. “I want you to cum,” he breathed, nearly begging, muscles milking his cock intentionally this time as his fingers worked overtime over his own cock. Keith was _so_ close, and the brush of Shiro’s cock over the rough patch of his walls was enough to have his orgasm barrel over him. Every muscle went tight as Keith shuddered beneath him, Shiro’s name a desperate groan, and he was overwhelmed by the blinding pressure exploding in his cock as it twitched beneath his thumb print. It was everything he could have wanted.

Shiro’s breathing was rough, and his chest heaved as he pounded into Keith, grip tight on his hips. His name fell off bitten lips like a prayer, and Keith swore to himself that he’d never forget how it sounded. He’d spend the next nine months jerking off to it anyway.

Shiro shifted his weight onto his knees, and he reached for Keith’s free hand, gripping it tight between their chests. He could really see their breath now, and the width of Shiro’s shoulders seemed to block out the light in the sky, leaving nothing to look at save for his face and the sweat on his throat. 

Keith held onto him like he’d slip away the moment he let go, and Shiro’s name was a whisper on his lips as his hips twitched. Shiro went silent when he came, hips jerking as his cock twitched, and his grip went impossibly tight on Keith’s fingers. He looked so gorgeous, jaw slack and brows pinched together, but so blissed out that nothing but the way his release felt was present in his mind. 

Keith couldn’t feel the rush of cum inside him, but he imagined he could. He couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset about it, not when Shiro sounded like he was going to cry and he held on.

Their breathing filled the night, and Shiro slumped over Keith with a heavy exhale. Keith wound his arms loosely around his shoulders, bodies burning hot against each other, and he tucked his nose into his hair. He’d never admit to the way he was fighting back tears or how tight his throat felt, but if his eyes were shining a little too bright when Shiro pulled back, neither one of them acknowledged it. 

“Sorry,” was the first thing Shiro said, sitting back on his heels and brushing his fingers over the come leaking out from Keith. His answering laugh was embarrassed, and Keith’s thighs knocked the hand away as he closed his legs. 

“It’s fine. Was bound to happen anyway.” He couldn’t quite meet Shiro’s eyes as he sat up, half his hair sticking to him and the other half a wild mess. He was sure his back was littered with scratches from the gravel, but he’d wear the marks proudly until they faded.

Tension rose between them, and Keith cleared his throat. It didn’t feel the same as before, crackling with energy that had been building between them since they’d met. This was just...awkward, and Keith wasn’t sure how to cut through it. He stood to find his clothes strewn over the rooftop, and he could _feel_ Shiro’s eyes on him as he dressed. He didn’t want to give Shiro any time to regret this. He’d have nine months of thinking it over without Keith there. If he was going to wish Adam back into existence, he could do it without some lovestruck teenager at his side.

“You should probably try to get some sleep tonight,” Keith said as he buttoned the final button on his jacket. He couldn’t quite smooth his hair out, and there was an uncomfortably sticky mess drying in his pants. Shiro looked put together as always, though, save for the blush sitting high on his cheeks. 

“Yeah,” Shiro stuffed his hands into his pockets, gaze drifting to his feet as he kicked at the gravel. “Yeah, I guess I should.” It skittered over the roof, a few stones plunging over the edge. Keith watched them go, and he swore his heart was jumping so hard it might burst. “Let me walk you back.”

Neither of them said a word, and Shiro didn’t kiss him goodbye at his room. Keith leaned back against his closed door, sank to the floor, and sobbed as the reality of their situation set it. Shiro was leaving him, and Keith was going to be lost without him. He felt devastated, torn open and empty like he’d packed a part of Keith’s soul on the ship. How was he supposed to function without him? Shiro was so intertwined with him that he felt like the very thing driving his heart to beat. What was Keith supposed to do now that he was really losing him?

He almost didn’t want to shower. When he stepped out, it was like nothing had ever happened. All he had left were a few scratches along his back and a soreness in his hips that hadn’t been there that morning. 

When he climbed into bed, he shut his eyes wishing he could lay his head beside a man who didn’t belong to him. Instead, all he got was his roommate snoring in the bed across from him.

Three weeks later, Shiro died, and Keith lost him again.

  
  
  



End file.
